Let me start by sharing how my day has begun. It is currently 11:30 am. I went to bed in a pretty shitty mood for reasons unknown to me. I was doubting a whole whack of life choices. I got up at 5:30am, my boyfriend and I do not live together and we have this little ritual where we text each other every morning to bid thee good morning, ask if one slept well and then to bid thee a good day!
This morning, I wasn’t in a bad mood – but something felt very off to me (keeping in mind I am highly empathic). Instead of my normal “how do ya do!” I simply sent my boyfriend a kiss emoji, nothing else … Uh-oh! That’s not me.
We began a dialog and I started to get defensive and accusatory, insinuating that he lied to me by omission because he did not express himself to me. Who the hell does that shit?!?!? This girl! Right here! Me! Me! Me! What the fuck, yo!
I was smart enough to tell him I was being unreasonable and I apologized for my behavior but by this point, I was a hot mess, already in tears, sitting in my bedroom, getting ready for my morning workout, unable to understand why I was feeling this way.
FAST FORWARD 2 HOURS LATER
Now it’s 8:30 am – he’s at work and so we don’t talk much during the day. Totally cool, I’ve got my job too. By now, I’ve got my workout in, my brat is off to school (but not before I yelled at him – and I don’t typically yell at my kids). So, here I am, I’m starting my breakfast. I put on my @lewishowes School of Greatness podcasts that I listen to every single morning. I’m trying to make an omelet and I COMPLETELY FREAK OUT because things are just not working. Queue the waterworks.
I finally get my breakfast made, I eat and I go take a shower. It’s around 9:30 am by this point. He texts, we talk for a few minutes about a house he may be interested in buying. All is good. Yay!
It’s now 10:30 am and I’m dressed, I’m sitting at my computer, and for whatever reason, the dam breaks again. I’m like Niagra Falls for about all of 5 minutes. Totally not understanding what the hell is going on with me!
ALRIGHT! SCREW THIS!!!
I grab my laptop, I go into my bedroom, pull out my yoga mat and for 15 minutes I stood there and completed a video-guided Tai Chi lesson – because I have never, in my life, done Tai Chi before. By the end, I was laughing because I was doing most of the moves wrong, but I felt so much better.
Which got me to thinking… It’s ok to have bad days. However, lashing out on my teenage son, lashing out on my boyfriend, lashing out on my breakfast… totally not ok. We all have moments that we are not proud of… in this case, pretty much my entire morning was not something to be proud of. I wasn’t understanding of my own emotions and instead of sitting back and dealing with them logically, I decided I was hellbent on bringing everyone else around me down too. That was wrong. But I am also one who holds myself accountable so while I didn’t apologize to my breakfast (lol), I did apologize to everyone else.
The lesson to be learned here…
You’re allowed to be in a bad mood. You’re allowed to have a shitty day. Life is the craziest, strangest, hardest roller coaster any of us will ever be on. But we have to remember to be kind to ourselves and to those around us. No matter our moods or situations. Allow yourself to feel whatever bullshit you’re facing. Feel it, and then push it away. Don’t dwell there and sure as hell don’t try to bring anyone down with you.
It’s now 12:30 pm and I still feel weighed down, kinda sleepy to be honest. But I checked myself. I felt it, and I pushed it away. The tension is gone and what’s left – I can deal without it affecting those around me.
So allow yourself to have bad days. But make sure you check yourself and don’t let your bad day affect everyone around you.
Lots of Love!